Capitalism in dire times

February 6, 2009

zombie capitalism

Ducking under the outstretched hand, Mike pushed the zombie’s shoulder, spinning the pallid undead girl around. Nick ran in, driving the two spikes deep into her back. Mike pushed again, spinning her around and slammed the large metal plate against her face, keeping the gnashing jaws safely out of harm’s way.

Nick thick rubber gloves on, grabbed the connecting bar and with a forceful shove, clicked both ends onto the protruding spikes, coming out of her chest.

Once again Mike spun the zombie around and with a chuckle Nick roared the chainsaw to life, tied a plastic tie down over the trigger and clicked the chainsaw down onto the spikes rear facing bolts. As the chain and blades spun at full RPM, the two unlocked the door and shoved the undead girl and mounted chainsaw into the throng of zombies outside of their building.

The two looked through the window and high fived as blood sprayed into view. The off balance undead girl, was stumbling around in the crowd, the mounted chainsaw hacking into zombies, dismembering and destroying those that strayed into her right side, rapidly thinning the horde and spraying sparks up along the building as she ran into the wall.

The two turned to the assembled group behind them.

“Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, our custom spike, bolt, chainsaw array, allows you to utilize the enemy in ways previously unheard of. This can and will give you the edge, not only fighting a zombie invasion but also against conventional ground forces. Now if you would follow me, let’s take a look at our line of protective helms, used to maximize a converted zombies life expectancy in any combat situation.”