Capitalism in dire times

February 6, 2009

zombie capitalism

Ducking under the outstretched hand, Mike pushed the zombie’s shoulder, spinning the pallid undead girl around. Nick ran in, driving the two spikes deep into her back. Mike pushed again, spinning her around and slammed the large metal plate against her face, keeping the gnashing jaws safely out of harm’s way.

Nick thick rubber gloves on, grabbed the connecting bar and with a forceful shove, clicked both ends onto the protruding spikes, coming out of her chest.

Once again Mike spun the zombie around and with a chuckle Nick roared the chainsaw to life, tied a plastic tie down over the trigger and clicked the chainsaw down onto the spikes rear facing bolts. As the chain and blades spun at full RPM, the two unlocked the door and shoved the undead girl and mounted chainsaw into the throng of zombies outside of their building.

The two looked through the window and high fived as blood sprayed into view. The off balance undead girl, was stumbling around in the crowd, the mounted chainsaw hacking into zombies, dismembering and destroying those that strayed into her right side, rapidly thinning the horde and spraying sparks up along the building as she ran into the wall.

The two turned to the assembled group behind them.

“Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, our custom spike, bolt, chainsaw array, allows you to utilize the enemy in ways previously unheard of. This can and will give you the edge, not only fighting a zombie invasion but also against conventional ground forces. Now if you would follow me, let’s take a look at our line of protective helms, used to maximize a converted zombies life expectancy in any combat situation.”



August 13, 2008

The melee raged below him, even from this distance it was clear who was going to win, the zombies were ex-military based on the camouflage they wore and all three had combat helms making the blows that the two travelers rained down on their heads ineffective.

Chris began to run toward the encounter, as he did so he pulled two slugs from a belt clip and slotted them into the snub nosed shotgun and with a sharp flick of his wrist, snapped the firearm together. He grabbed the ignition cord and with quick pull started the small chainsaw, bolted to the side of the shotgun.

As he approached one of the travelers slipped in the mud, the other reached to help her up and as he did so one of the horrors grabbed his arm and bit down hard. The first zombie turned toward him as he drew near, eyes black, skin a pallid yellow and arms outstretched. Chris kept running and only feet away from the zombie aimed the barrel at its face and pulled the trigger.


The slug packed with needles exploded in a cloud from the barrel, many missed but hundreds more sliced through the zombies face, eyes and mouth. As the needles turned its brains and skin to mush it fell to the ground motionless.

The second zombie didn’t see the whirring chainsaw blade as Chris plunged it deep into its exposed neck and up into its cranium. With a loud crack the chainsaw blade snapped and whipped away over Chris’s shoulder. He quickly thumbed the now chainless chainsaw off and turned to face the last zombie as it stepped over the two fallen travelers, with fresh blood and flesh hanging from its mouth it reached out and grabbed at his vest. Chris raised the gun as the zombie pulled itself in, mouth open to bite down on his neck. Inches from his face Chris shoved the barrel into one of its eyes and pulled the trigger.

One Chainsaw, One Can of Whoopass

June 25, 2008

Breathing deep, she grabbed the chainsaw from her now dead boyfriends chest and lunged for the nearby can of fuel.

Blinking back the tears she refueled the reservoir, closed the cap, cleaned the chain and got to her feet.

The pounding on the door was incessant, the door shock, vibrating in its frame. She watched as it slowly began to buckle under the strain and saw the splinter like cracks forming over its surface.

She smiled, looked back at her lover, at what she had been forced to do, gunned the engine alive and opened the door.